I am unusually cranky today, and I was unusually cranky yesterday. Maybe it is my impending birthday, or maybe it’s just that I keep encountering assholes all the damn time. But here are things that have pissed me off over the past week. They are petty and my complaining is SO FIRST WORLD and probably is going to piss someone else off but I really don’t care. Read the rest of this entry »
Things That Are Pissing Me Off
April 26, 2012 at 1:31 pm (Absurdity, General Gobbledygook, Pets)
Tags: Me Me Me, Whinerrific
My head is harder than it looks
March 17, 2010 at 2:30 pm (Friends, Weightastic)
Tags: Me Me Me, Weighty Issues, Whinerrific
Remember how I went and had weight loss surgery? And then I lost all that weight and was all “WOO, I’m done! I never have to think about it AGAIN!”
Man, I am delusional.
But even the best delusions come to an end for me, so last week I buckled down and admitted that hey, I need to DO SOMETHING to get myself back on track with the whole eating right & keeping fit deal because good intentions were not getting me very far. My good intentions were instead getting my ass a bit bigger, because even if I don’t absorb all of the food I eat, if it’s mostly carbs and processed junky food, that food that’s being absorbed is still going to add back some of the pounds I lost. So even though my doctor says I look good and my bloodwork says I’m super healthy, I decided to go on a diet starting this week.
I know. I thought I would never have to be on one again either.
I remember the day I found out from my surgeon’s office that I didn’t need to go back to any Weight Watchers meetings because my surgery had been approved. I threw away all of the materials, and I felt so very good doing it. I never had to sit around and listen to people talk about how good that fake cheesecake recipe was! Or be told I was going to be disappointed with myself because I gained half a pound! Or listen to them talk about good foods versus bad foods and then watch my own binge eating disorder rear its ugly head on my way home from weighing in.
(You can probably guess where this is going.)
Yesterday I signed up for Weight Watchers Online, and I spent the day remembering one simple fact: Dieting is hard, yo. Thinking about what I’m putting in my mouth and deciding if it’s worth it. Weighing the difference between a scone (yum!) or a spinach wrap (also yum but not scone yum). Paying attention to portion sizes and vitamins and how much water I’m drinking (a lot, by the way). Telling myself that no, I’m not actually hungry, I’m just bored.
I would rather be back in Managerial Accounting, quite frankly, and I dreaded that class.
Before I told her I was doing the WW Online thing, Sheila suggested that I join an in person program that she is running, and I had to tell her I couldn’t. For one thing, it costs too much, but for another (more major) thing, I realize now that I cannot do that group diet thing. I cannot be told “This is good and this is bad” and listen to other people’s tricks and manipulations and weird food issues because they just trigger me to do my own tricks and manipulations. And that kind of setting has never done anything for me other than make me rebellious and bingey and unhappy. And I don’t want to be unhappy.
But this time I have a friend to help me through the “Dude, this SUCKS” part that always happens at the beginning of a diet, and I have a plan to follow without anyone policing me and most of all, I have an actual true desire to turn my behavior around. Dieting is hard, and it sucks, because it makes me be responsible for what goes in my mouth and it makes me think about things that I don’t want to think about and it makes me stop finding weird justifications for everything.
But weirdly enough, for the first time ever in all my years of dieting, I feel good about this. I feel good about eating a salad with tuna and going for a brisk walk at lunch because I know tonight’s dinner will be full of tasty, tasty calories. I feel good about finally taking my vitamins and drinking my water and eating breakfast.
Most of all, I feel good about being able to acknowledge that dieting sucks and is hard and does not feel good but still not considering giving up. Sometimes, uncomfortable can be a good thing. I get that now, in a way I never was able to before.
My therapist will be so proud.
This is what I sound like in real life, too
March 10, 2010 at 3:39 pm (Friends, General Gobbledygook, Schooling, Weightastic)
Tags: Me Me Me, MishMashy Goodness, Weighty Issues, Whinerrific
So hey, how about that February that just whizzed by? That was good times, right there. I think I did some stuff and saw some people and maybe did some homework in there somewhere. OH! I definitely went to LA and gave Shawn the best birthday present EVER (the 1980 Black Barbie, complete with ‘fro, pick and pantsuit!) I also greeted Patrick at the airport with a giant obnoxious sign and ate cupcakes with Trish and Jared. And hung out with my dog and my husband and the little asshole cats.
In other words, I did the whole day to day life thing.
And then March came and Weetacon was finally here and real life went far far away and I cried in a bar about how awesome Wendy Bix is and I ate chicken fried steak at 2:30am (MISTAKE) and I drank the best home brewed beer ever and dropped my Nano in my bathtub and lost my voice and didn’t show my boobs, not even once. And it was magical and sparkly and awesome and then I came home and had to work and ugh.
I have to say, for someone who actually usually enjoys her job and its flexibility (hello, I am writing this entry while scanning business cards), I am easily annoyed by it. Maybe that is why I was told during my review that I tend to be “discourteous when feeling under pressure.” (Apparently that bothers me more than I let on, since I have told that story to oh, 50 people now.)
But I mean come on. There was apparently drama about who was going to answer the door while I was gone (our facility is locked down and people ahve to be buzzed in, whoo whoo TOP SECRET SHIT HERE), because apparently everyone else is JUST TOO BUSY to answer the door. Amazingly enough, they discovered that having to answer the door constantly means that a person gets interrupted all damn day. HELLO, WELCOME TO MY WORLD. Ask me again why the Big Giant Filing Project isn’t done. It’s because I am basically chained to my desk until 2 or 3 in the afternoon, that’s why. And this is why I’m getting an MBA, so I can get unchained from the front desk (By the way, I totally aced Managerial Accounting somehow.)
So anyway, I got to come back and listen to the fall out from that drama and I really just wanted to tell everyone that they were grown ass adults and to stop complaining about it because damn if it’s going to keep me from going on vacations (especially now that we have found out that my coworker is basically the best petsitter ever in the history of the world.) But then I remembered that I really like my coworkers and I really like my hours and I really, REALLY like the fact that my company is actually successful in these uncertain times, so I shut my mouth and ate some chocolate.
Speaking of chocolate, have I mentioned that I have an entire chocolate drawer in my fridge? This is because my dear friend David sells chocolate through Dove, which now has this whole home party enterprise. Think Tupperware but for chocolate. And it’s actual good chocolate so I buy some or I host a party and then whammo, chocolate drawer. I’m like the worst WLS patient in the history of the world.
Speaking of worst WLS patient in the world, I’ve had these weird symptoms lately that sent me over to my doctor asking if there was a possibility that I could be starting menopause early. Or maybe it was my thyroid! Or something! So she took a ton of blood from me (because my doctor does not pshaw her patients’ concerns) and tested me up, down, left and right and declared me perfectly normal. (Aside from the hot flashes and dry skin and usual insanity, of course.) So I’m telling my friend this and drop in there that oh, well, I haven’t been taking my vitamins lately (I KNOW) and she basically smacked me with her eyes and sarcastically said “Oh, maybe you should try taking them then? MAYBE?”
So I’ll start taking them again, I promise. Because I really don’t like the hot flashes. And I hear beri beri sucks.
I’m Not Drinking The Water, That’s For Damn Sure
December 10, 2009 at 2:58 pm (Family, Friends, General Gobbledygook)
Tags: Holidailies, Me Me Me, Whinerrific
I had lunch with a dear old friend yesterday, a friend I manage to see maybe once a year despite the fact that we now live about 20 minutes from each other (as opposed to the 70 minutes it used to be). And in the course of talking to her, I asked if she had gotten on the kid train yet (she’s been working on her Ph.D for years now, which is her own fault for deciding to study Native American autistic children). I just….had a feeling. And sure enough, she’s pregnant! And she’s due in July!
Also due in July? My BFF, Laura.
And Jackie’s daughter-in-law.
But! Before the July Trifecta, there’s this:
Due in January: Coworker #1
Due in February: Bunco Friend
Due in March: Coworker #2 & Coworker #3
So as of today, I have seven good friends having babies before the end of the summer of 2010. The thought of seven baby showers is making me feel very much like my darling (my friend’s daughter & my adopted niecelet who I adore) Niblet in this picture:
Because seriously! I don’t have enough time to knit blankets for all of them and don’t even get me started on how exhausting baby showers are to throw (I’ve thrown FOUR this year, I think I’ve done my duty). (Okay, so out of the seven, I’m only going to be throwing one baby shower and that’s Laura’s because….well, she’s my Laura. Never mind the fact that she’s going to be LIVING IN MISSOURI by then.)
So this is me, whining over the fact that I will soon be surrounded by adorable babies who I will get to snuggle and spoil and play with and then hand back to their parents when they get fussy.
Okay, maybe this isn’t such a bad thing after all. But I’m still not drinking the water.
Just a Number
December 9, 2009 at 6:17 am (Absurdity, Weightastic)
Tags: Holidailies, Me Me Me, Weighty Issues, Whinerrific
As anyone who spends more than 2 minutes around me knows, I work out with this insanely enthusiastic (and effective) trainer named Sheila. She’s like the most peppy, friendly, masochistic drill instructor ever. And I’ll be honest, I’m a little bit scared of her. So when she announced that she was doing this pedometer challenge thingy and then said that I BETTER BE PARTICIPATING, I strapped on the pedometer and dutifully kept track of all my prancy steps for a week. (She also bribed me with the possibility of a free month’s worth of workouts so it was totally worth it.)
There was just one little thing; I also had to enter my starting and ending weight on the tracking sheet. Now see, I don’t care about Sheila knowing how much I weigh because hell, I started working out with her 3 weeks after my surgery so she knows where I started from. So yesterday on my way out I tossed it on the scanner and emailed it to my personal address so I could send it on to Sheila. Except it never got to my personal email address because duh, it’s only set up to send things to email addresses on the network.
Instead, it printed out a nifty little scan of the tracking sheet, complete with my email address and yes, my starting and ending weights. And this morning, I found it sitting face up right on top of the copier. The copier that everyone in the company uses, that everyone walks by a million times a day. The onlything that could have made it even MORE AWESOME is if someone had been nice enough to highlight the weight numbers and then stuck it on the bulletin board in the kitchen.
Oddly, I was less embarrassed about the whole thing than I would have expected. Rather than a panicky “OMG THE NUMBER!! THE NUMBER IS OUT THERE!!I DIE NOW!” the thought that crossed my mind was “Wow, I’m a dumbass. Meh.” And then I went back to my coffee and the intricate little tables I needed to re-create for some FDA documents today.
Apparently, somewhere along the way, that whole “the number on the scale is just a number” thing has gotten into my brain and I finally, FINALLY believe it, and that is awesome. (Alternatively, I just hadn’t had enough coffee for my panic response to kick in correctly, but I’m going to claim it as a victory over My Issues anyway!)
Back to school
November 10, 2009 at 3:40 am (General Gobbledygook, Schooling)
Tags: School Daze, Whinerrific
Back in 2007, when I was still working for Big Company, I started tossing around the idea of getting a Master’s in HR Management. And then I found out that Big Company wasn’t going to be giving us lowly non-exempt employees anymore bonuses so my boss was looking for another way to reward me. So he said “Go back to school and I’ll pay for it” so I said “Okay!” and happily trotted off to sign up for classes.
Except when I met with my advisor, she said “Hey, companies want their HR managers to have MBAs these days, you should get that instead!” so I said “Okay!” and happily signed up for my first classes: Statistics and Accounting.
And then I died.
Not really but dude, Accounting is a hot mess. Debits are credits and credits are debits and WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE. But then all of a sudden it made sense. So I signed up for some more classes. And then I switched jobs and suddenly I was paying for it myself (thanks, FAFSA and Sallie Mae!!) and whiz bang boom, a year was done. This weird thing happened. I kept getting A’s and A-’s and the professors all dug my ponderings and questions and I was kicking ass. Apparently, this business thing is something I get.
I’m finishing my second year of a three year program right now. I take these insane 9 week long courses, with a semester’s worth of information crammed into them. I’ve analyzed the current economy, I’ve created marketing campaigns, I’ve discussed finance until it made my head explode, and holy cats, I’ve wanted to quit about a million times. A month ago, I was seriously considering just “taking a break.” I knew if I did it would be the longest break ever…..like, YEARS worth of a break, as in”I’ll go back eventually, really.” Instead, I just started whining about it ALL THE TIME, on Facebook and Twitter and in person and via email. And somehow I survived, mostly because I have a core group of fellow students that I keep getting to share classes (and projects!) with.
And now it’s November and I’m in my last class of 2009 and I just found out that I get to take next summer off and still finish in January of 2011, because I get to waive one of my required classes. And that means I only have 5 more classes to take. Five more classes! And then I will be finally done, and I’ll be the most well-educated office manager in San Diego. (Okay, so there’s a little bit of “WTF am I doing this for???” lingering around)
In the meantime though, I’m going to keep whining. Because that’s how I roll, yo.
